Waiting for you: Layne’s Song for Jordan’s Sister

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“Waiting for you” 2016, written for novel rewrite in progress, Jordan’s Sister

There’s more beauty in you
Than could ever be true
I’ve spent all of my life
Waiting for you

You push me away
While I beg you to stay
I’m new to this place
And I won’t be the same

I’ll take all your pain
And lock it away
If I don’t kiss your lips
I might go insane

There’s more beauty in you
Than could ever be true
I’ve spent all of my life
Waiting for you

You won’t let me in
And I know you’re scared
But if you’ll let down your guards
I’ll show you I care

I’ll love you the same
With each passing day
True to your soul
My heart will remain

I’ll take all your pain
And lock it away
If I don’t kiss your lips
I might go insane

There’s more beauty in you
Than could ever be true
I’ve spent all of my life
Just waiting for you

-Brandi Easterling Collins

I grew up feeling ugly, did you?

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Toddler Brandi

Meredith-Age 3

I went through some old photos recently in preparation for my post about my daddy’s guitar. As I was looking at my baby pictures, I thought I was pretty cute. I see how much my daughter resembles me and I think she is beautiful.  When I was about 3, the age Meredith is in the photo, I had to start wearing glasses. Glasses for kids back in the early 80s were not near as attractive as they are now. They pretty much looked like old lady glasses. Like Sophia on “The Golden Girls.”

Brandi-Age 4

Brandi-Age 4

I hated my glasses until I got the pair that had little strawberry shaped enamel decorations on the sides, so my mom told me they were Strawberry Shortcake glasses. For a brief time, I loved them.  I think it was after then, when I started school and the first boy called me ugly that I started to believe I was ugly and my glasses were too. I still remember his name. He was mean and hateful. Now I can see, based on his Facebook profile picture, that the past thirty years have not been kind to him because he looks so much older than 35. But that is another story.

Me in first grade

Me in first grade

So was it the glasses or a self-esteem problem that made me feel ugly? Self-esteem. I never liked any of my school photos. It didn’t help matters that the photos were about as flattering as mug shots for everyone. Plus everyone except for the elite few goes through that awkward period from about 8-14 or so. Almost everyone has something during that time that isn’t flattering. Too skinny. Too chunky. Too tall. Too short. Teeth too big for your mouth. Too flat-chested if you’re female, not flat-chested enough if you’re male. Out of control hair. Acne. You get the idea. Don’t we all feel that way sometimes? I bet even some of the most physically beautiful people have flaws and self doubt. Continue reading