Can High Goals Get in the Way of Contentment?

Having hopes and dreams for ourselves is healthy. But at what point can high goals get in the way of happiness?

Dreams vs. goals

It’s natural for humans to have dreams. They start when we’re little kids, dreaming of being a ballerina, a pro athlete, or just like Mom or Dad. It’s good to have dreams because they’re one of the things that set us apart as a species. Later in my childhood and early teen years, I dreamed of someday being a writer—an author of published novels.

Goals are a bit different and less easily forgotten. As a child, I wanted to be all sorts of different things, but I always aimed to be educated at college. I accomplished that goal. Once I started college, my goal was to keep my scholarship, which was a full ride. I accomplished that one as well.

Then graduate school rolled around, and my goal was to maintain a 4.0 GPA throughout the program. Check. It was hard work, but I knew I was capable.

Hopes and realistic goals

Have you ever heard the phrase, “It’s good to want things,” from another person or in a movie? I remember it most from a 1990 movie, Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael, in which Winona Ryder plays Dinky Bosetti, a troubled teen.

• Dinky Bossetti: Who understands ANYONE these days… who WANTS to?
• Gerald Howells: Gosh, I want to kiss you so bad, Dinky…
• Dinky Bossetti: It’s good to want things…

It is good to want things. But at what cost? Wanting is natural. We want love, comfort, money, appreciation, and material items. We work to obtain those things. But what happens when we get what we want? We start wanting more? More love. More money. More power. More material things.

And if we don’t get what we want, we’re unhappy. Some let that feeling define their lives, while others work harder to achieve a goal or get what they want. At what point should we give up? When is enough enough? Maybe at some point, we have to rethink, start over, and change our goals to make them more attainable.

Setting yourself up for failure and feelings of discontentment

Sometimes, there’s a fine line between realistic and lofty goals. For example, will I, a nearly 44-year-old woman who’s 5’1″ and currently overweight, likely become a WNBA player? Nope. But could I train over the next few months for a 5K marathon? Absolutely. (If I wanted to.)

Is winning the Powerball or Mega Millions jackpot likely? Nope. But is it okay to dream about winning the lottery while buying a ticket now and then (provided that you don’t have an addiction or issues with gambling and can afford it)? Absolutely.

I think we often become discontented when we set unrealistic goals. Someone with a $60K annual salary is unlikely to afford a million-dollar home, but they can realistically set a goal of owning a less expensive place.

What’s missing from our lives (in this material world)?

Maybe we should examine what’s missing in our lives that has nothing to do with material things. Maybe it’s faith. Maybe it’s self-love. Perhaps volunteering to help those less fortunate will open our eyes. And just maybe, more stuff isn’t the answer. Less stuff might be the key.

Fewer things and more inner peace. We could spend more time strolling in the park, listening to elders, and playing with our children to watch their little imaginations soar with less stuff around. I’m not suggesting we all become minimalists overnight, but thinking through what we acquire and analyzing what void we’re trying to fill with our stuff might help with contentment.

Celebrating the good

That old saying, “Perfect is the enemy of good” is so true. Perfection steals contentment.

All in all, appreciating what we do have and being grateful can go a long way when we feel sorry for ourselves. Seeking help for depression, taking time for self care, and reflecting on what truly matters can also help.

You know, like the wise people like to say: “Want what you have, and you’ll always have what you need.”

Thank you for reading.

-Brandi Easterling Collins

Image by storyset on Freepik